


Surface Tension

by Teramina



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: (but it's mostly keith and shiro so i won't tag everyone), (everyone is in this at some point), Angst, Flashbacks, Gen, Gender-Neutral Pronouns for Pidge | Katie Holt, otherwise known as the blade of marmora is a really good episode and i have watched it to death, so have prequel fic: the prequel, this started as a prequel fic but i suck at writing long things and im good at writing angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-02
Updated: 2017-06-15
Packaged: 2018-11-08 04:54:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,425
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11074467
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Teramina/pseuds/Teramina
Summary: Companion piece to 2x08, Shiro's perspective + aftermath





	1. Chapter 1

Shiro watched as the next round of fighters rose from the floor, again, one more than the previous round.

“How long does this go on?”

“Sometimes the greatest challenge is knowing when to stop.”

“He’ll never quit.”

“One way or another, this will end. Knowledge, or death.”

Shiro was getting tired of that statement very very fast. Tired, and anxious. He would trust Keith with his life, he had done so many times before, but when it came to patience, to thinking things through, to _giving up_ … those weren’t exactly Keith’s strong suits. Except now, they could be the reason for his death. He was already hurt badly, and Shiro was terrified that the next wound he got would be one he couldn’t recover from.

“He’s seventeen! You can’t be willing to kill a kid just for the sake of procedure!”

“And yet, you judge him old enough to be a paladin of Voltron. Which mortality rate is higher, I wonder?”

Shiro gave him a murderous look, but didn’t say anything. He was right, there were very few missions where Keith’s life wasn’t at risk in some way. But as Voltron they fought for something, and they fought together. If Keith died here, it would be for nothing, and Shiro wouldn’t be able to do anything to protect him.

It was hardly the first time this had happened, but everything before had been a lot less deadly. 

* * *

_Shiro hurried up the stairs to the infirmary, both anxious to get there, and dreading what he was about to find._

_Everyone knew by now that Shiro was the only teacher (or any authority figure, really) that Keith would ever listen to, which meant when they didn’t know how to deal with him, Shiro got called in. It wasn’t so much that he minded talking to Keith, nor being dragged out of his office at all hours, it was that he was never sure what he was going to find when he got there, or whether or not he’d be able to get through to him._

_And this time, Keith had got himself into another fight. It was far from the first time, but Shiro’s warnings just didn’t seem to be doing any good. He’d tell Keith to think before acting, to stay away from the other potential problem children, to focus on bettering his school work, but every time, Keith found a new justification for why he ended up back in the infirmary._

_His injuries didn’t seem too serious, though his face was bruised along both cheekbones and his nose was bleeding heavily. Shiro could see that the arm holding a tissue to it was also sporting some more minor cuts and bruises._

_He turned to the presiding doctor, who was finishing up some paperwork, most likely staying only because someone needed to stay in the room with Keith._

_“Thanks. I’ve got it from here.”_

_“Better you than me,” they replied, returning to their other business of the night, leaving the two of them alone._

_Shiro folded his arms, staring Keith down._

_"You gonna tell me what happened out there?"_

_"I don't wanna talk right now, Shiro." Keith mumbled, deliberately keeping his head down._

_Well, tough. Shiro wasn’t gonna let him go that easily. He moved to stand in front of Keith, not letting him have the freedom to pretend he didn’t exist._

_"Clearly. But unfortunately, you broke another kid's arm, and that means we're gonna talk, whether you want to or not."_

_"Hey, he broke my nose," Keith responded automatically, but still not meeting his gaze._

_Shiro didn’t say anything, waiting in silence for Keith to realise he couldn’t distract his way out of this._

_Eventually Keith sighed, making eye contact again, though his posture was still defensive._

_"What do you want me to say? The kid was a bully. No one was doing anything about it. I did something. You're welcome."_

_"That's not your call, Keith. If someone's behaviour is inappropriate, report them to a teacher, or tell the guards.”_

_“Yeah, like I can really trust them to do the right thing.” he said, the derision clear in his voice._

_“Would you trust me?” Shiro asked, more quietly._

_Keith hesitated, evidently trying to choose his next words carefully._

_“Not on this.”_

_Shiro sighed. So much for that plan. He liked to believe he was Keith’s friend, if Keith had any at all, and he’d hoped to do this the nice way, but there were times when you had to know when to just cut your losses and go._

_"If you only respond to ultimatums, fine. Stop getting into fights, or I fail you in my class. Which you need, if you want to become a pilot."_

_The expression on Keith’s face turned to muted shock, perhaps for the first time realising the gravity of his situation. It was a step forward in getting Keith to stop fighting, but several steps back in getting Keith to trust him._

_"You can't do that." Keith’s voice was level, but far too quick to be casual._

_"I can and I will.” Shiro hated doing this, but it was necessary. “A pilot needs to be a leader, someone their team can rely on to keep a cool head in a crisis. You punch first and think later. Your behaviour matters here, Keith. You'd do well to keep it under control."_

_"Why do you_ care _so much?" Keith snapped, a mixture of defiance and confusion._

_"Because I don't think this is who you are. I think it's a defence mechanism. Against what, I'm not sure. It's not really any of my business. But I've seen your grades. You could be one of the most promising young pilots this place has ever seen. You can't do that from the infirmary. Now, I’m offering you every chance I can to find the right way on your own. But this is still a military academy, and if you can’t be taught, you can at least be disciplined. I won’t stand for this again. So next time you feel like taking justice into your own hands, remember what’s at stake.”_

_Shiro waited a moment for the words to sink in, then turned to leave, when it became obvious Keith didn’t have anything to say to that. Hopefully, this meant he’d stop for good, but Shiro knew enough to know it was unlikely. But it was looking like a step in the right direction, and maybe that was enough for now._

* * *

Keith had gotten better since then, Shiro knew he had. The garrison had been good for him, in that way. Maybe because it was somewhere he could direct his energies, maybe it was the first time his talents were recognised. Shiro hoped it was at least in part due to him. But then he’d left for Kerberos, and got captured by the Galra, and everything had changed forever.

The Keith he knew now wasn’t the Keith he first met at the garrison, nor was it the Keith he’d said goodbye to before the mission that would change his life. Both of their lives. And how well he even knew Keith to begin with was up for debate, now.

He’d seen the knife before, in passing, Keith carried it everywhere, but he’d always assumed it was out of a need to be prepared, or to protect himself, he’d never made any connection between that and the mysteries of Keith’s past. And if Keith was willing to go through all this for it, that meant he valued those answers more than he did his own life. This must have been weighing on him a lot longer than any of them realised. And Shiro was willing to bet that if those questions had led him here of all places, whatever he was so desperate to find out couldn’t be good.


	2. Chapter 2

Shiro was relieved when Keith finally figured out a way out of there, but it was overshadowed by the constant fear that this was far from over, and whatever came next could be even worse.

The screen showed Keith’s progress as he wandered into the next room, exhausted, but didn’t make it more than a few steps before unconsciousness took over, and he collapsed on the floor.

They watched as he lay there for a few seconds, but the Marmora leader made no attempt to intercede. Shiro turned to him, barely managing to contain his fear and frustration at the situation.

“And now what? You’re just gonna let him lie there until he bleeds out? He fought your guys for hours, what more do you want from him?”

“Our secrets are not freely given to outsiders. If he is to prove himself, he will prove himself, and you will see for yourself. If he dies, then he has failed, and it would befit yourself to leave this place.”

This wasn’t getting him anywhere. Shiro turned back to the screen, anger giving way to confusion when he realised Keith was now facing a false version of himself.

“Is that a hologram?”

“His suit has the ability to create a virtual mindscape, reflecting its wearer’s greatest hopes and fears. And at this moment, your friend desperately wants to see you.”

Of course he did. Oh, Keith. There may have been secrets between the two of them, but when it came down to it, Keith didn’t have anyone else.

Not that the hologram-him was particularly a model of support. Was that really how Keith saw him? As someone so demanding and closed off? Shiro wasn’t sure if that said more about Keith, or him.

Or maybe this was all another part of the test. If the endless rounds of enemies couldn’t get Keith to give up the knife, then it would have to be someone Keith trusted instead.

Except that wasn’t working either. Wherever the knife came from, it was too important to him to give it up, even for Shiro. What the Marmora were waiting for, Shiro didn’t know, but it clearly wasn’t happening any time soon.

Until the point where things changed. Keith had seemed so sure in his decision, until the hologram started to walk away. They were giving Keith an ultimatum. Lose the knife, and his connection to his family, or lose everyone he cared about.

It was an impossible choice. Shiro didn’t know if he’d have been able to decide, were their places reversed. It seemed like Keith couldn’t either. But both prospects clearly terrified him, and the look on Keith’s face was not one Shiro ever wanted to see again.

\---

_ Shiro sat in silence on the rooftop, staring up at the stars. It wasn’t long before he'd be up there, among them. He'd been on minor space flights before, mostly for training, but this would be the longest trip he'd ever done. Not that he minded. Not all of it would be glamorous, no, but it was for a good cause, and Sam and Matt weren't just colleagues, but friends. He couldn't ask for a better crew. And really, this was the reason he'd become a pilot in the first place. The exploration, the call to the unknown, the need to be out there, not just watching from below. It was so nearly within his grasp. _

_ The telltale sound of a door quietly opening told him he wasn't alone. It wasn't uncommon for Keith to come find him when he wanted to talk, and the roof was the best place to be without being overheard. Not that Keith would  _ tell  _ him when he wanted to talk, but Shiro was pretty good at picking up on it now, and Keith would generally say what was bothering him if Shiro was the one to ask. _

_ Tonight though, he seemed particularly tense about something, sitting down next to him without saying a word, looking lost in thought, like he was having some complicated internal debate. _

_ Shiro waited, figuring it probably wasn’t the best time to interrupt, and whatever he wanted to say, he’d get there best on his own. _

_ “I don’t want you to go to Kerberos.” _

_ Okay, that definitely wasn’t anything he was expecting. _

_ “What? Keith!” _

_ Keith seemed to lose the resolve he’d spoken with, like his entire plan had been building up to saying that one line, and now he wasn’t sure how to continue. _

_ “I don’t, I mean, um…” He paused, and took a breath, before continuing. “You’re leaving. I… I don’t want you to.” _

_ He was so unsure in saying it, far more than Shiro had ever seen before. Normally when Keith made a decision he’d stick by it no matter what, ignoring anyone else who disagreed. This definitely wasn’t an act of rebellion. It was more personal than that. _

_ “Keith, is everything okay?” _

_ “What? Yeah, fine. I just, don’t think you should be, leaving so soon, you know? You did such a good job of teaching this year, you wouldn’t wanna, ruin that, or something…?” He trailed off, cringing slightly at his poorly phrased argument. _

_ Yeah, Shiro didn’t believe that for a second. For someone who had such a hard time trusting people, Keith really was a terrible liar. Shiro tried again, hoping this time they could get to the heart of what was bothering him. _

_ “Hey, come on. What is this really about?” _

_ Keith hesitated, as if weighing his options. After a pause, he started speaking slowly. _

_ “It just… it feels like everyone’s always leaving me. My dad, any friends I ever made… I always end up alone. When I came here, I wasn’t gonna make friends, it’s easier not to. People don’t really like me, and that way I never run the risk of losing them. I don’t like losing people. And I... I don’t want to lose you.” _

_ He kept his head turned away while he spoke, like he couldn’t look him in the eye and still have the courage to say it. So that was the problem. They’d touched on this before, but never really in depth - Keith preferred not to say anything, and Shiro respected that. But if Keith was used to people leaving for good, Shiro could see how he’d want to keep a tight hold on anyone else, to make sure it never happened again. A way to get an out of control situation back under control. _

_ Shiro put a hand on Keith’s shoulder, getting him to turn his head slightly, and gave him a small smile. _

_ “You’re not losing me, I promise. Okay? Absolute promise, swear on whatever you like, I’ll be back. And I’ll still be your friend afterwards.” _

_ "But what am I gonna do when you're not here? It’s not like I have any other friends to talk to." _

_ "Hey. It's just ten months, okay? You can survive ten months. And I'll come back to find one hell of a pilot in the making." _

_ “But I was happy like this! I don’t want things to change.” _

_ That, Shiro understood. Change was never easy, and to someone like Keith, he imagined it would be terrifying. But it wasn’t something that could be avoided, and they needed to deal with this now. _

_ "Things in life are always changing. You know that better than most. And it's our instinct to want to keep things how they were, to not let go of what we have, but sometimes when things change, they change for the better. And when that change happens, you need to be able to let it happen." _

_ “I guess.” Keith looked away, bringing his knees up to his chest to rest his arms and head on them. _

_ Shiro knew this wasn’t gonna be a problem that got better right away. But maybe for now, this was enough. _

_ “Hey, come on, I bet you won’t even notice I’m gone. Second year pilot training, you’ll have a great time. I know I did. Best pilot in my year, three years running.” _

_ “Bet you I beat your score,” Keith said quietly, smiling into his sleeve. _

_“Hah, no chance. But you’re welcome to try,” Shiro shot back, grateful that the damage control was working. If they could still tease each other like this, they’d be okay. And as long as they were still friends, they had nothing to worry about._

\---

Come on, Keith. He had to wake up. He was going to, Shiro believed in him, but the longer he lay there, the more worried Shiro got.

“You need to get him out of there!”

“He can decide when to leave,” came the frustratingly passive reply. This wasn’t fair, their stupid riddles and mind games meant nothing when Keith’s life was in the balance.

“You’re messing with his mind, you’re going to kill him!”

“Knowledge or death, Shiro.”

That was it. He’d had enough of this. Maybe the Marmora were on their side, but this was sounding far too much like the Galra empire’s “Victory or death” motto, and that meant Shiro trusted them about as far as he could throw them.

“I’m calling this off.” He moved for the doorway, but found two Marmora soldiers blocking his path.

Shiro paused for a moment. Attacking them would surely put an end to any alliance that could be formed between them. And they needed all the support they could get. But when it came down to Keith or the mission, Shiro found he didn’t have a choice.

He lashed out at the first Marmora member in his way, his Galra hand glowing and clenched in a fist. The punch knocked the first soldier back, but the second moved too quickly, and before he knew it two of them were restraining his arms, while more swarmed around in case he tried to escape.

“You can’t do this! I’m not gonna let him die!”

“This was his choice. As the leader of Voltron, you should respect that. You are one against many. Fighting would be futile. Now either cease this foolish behaviour, or you will find our base no longer welcome to you.”

Shiro looked back at the screen. Keith still wasn’t moving, and he seemed worse than ever. This wasn’t something Shiro could leave to chance. Not this time.

The problem was finding a way to help. He was still had two Marmora soldiers holding him back, and at least six more surrounding. Even if he did get free, he wouldn’t be able to get to Keith, there were too many of them in the way. He needed help.

He didn’t have long to wait. Suddenly, the entire base shook, a loud rumbling noise sounding from above. The Marmora looked up as a few small parts of the ceiling crumbled and fell.  _ Red. _

She had to be trying to help Keith. All of the lions had been shown to be willing to save their paladins at some point or another, but Red went above and beyond. She and Keith shared a fierce sense of loyalty, to everyone they cared about, but none were stronger than theirs to each other.

The base shook again, more of it crumbling now, and Shiro realised the danger they were all in if she kept this up. Most of the guards had scattered when Red first started attacking, most likely checking what was going on, and making sure their critical systems still functioned, but the two holding him in place hadn’t moved.

A soldier ran into the room from outside, hurriedly delivering the update: 

“The red lion is attacking the base! It’s trying to break through!”

Maybe now Shiro could get through to them. No matter what they wanted from Keith, they had to call this off. If she had to, Red would destroy them all to protect her paladin.

“It has a link with Keith, it knows when he’s in danger! It’s coming for him!”

Maybe that would have been enough to convince them, maybe not. Either way, it didn’t matter, as a chunk of rock fell from the ceiling, hitting one of the guards’ arms, and loosening their grip on him.

Shiro wasted no time in fighting off the other one, and running for the door.

He barely paid any attention to where he was going, guided mostly by instinct, thinking only that he had to find Keith as quickly as possible. With the base coming down around them, the longer they waited, the higher the chance that neither of them would make it out of this alive. He knew vaguely that at least four of the Marmora were chasing after him, but it didn’t matter. He had to get to Keith.

By the time Shiro reached him, there were a good three seconds where he was terrified Keith was already dead. He wasn’t moving, and in all the commotion, Shiro might have been too late.

It was only when Keith opened his eyes that Shiro was able to breathe again. They could still make it out of here.

He reached out his hand to help Keith up, supporting his weight. He was alive, yes, but really didn’t look good.

“Keith, are you okay?”

Keith didn’t get a chance to respond before the Marmora soldiers caught up, rushing into the room and blocking the doorway.

“Stop what you’re doing!”

Shiro turned to face the Marmora, ready for a fight if necessary. He was getting the two of them out of here, no matter what.

“What are you talking about? What’s going on?” Keith asked weakly, still leaning heavily on Shiro.

Before anyone had a chance to react, the room began shaking again, worse than before. Huge chunks of the ceiling started to fall away around them.

“Call off your beast!” Kolivan ordered, a sense of urgency in his voice.

Yeah, Shiro wasn’t interested in trying to smooth this situation out anymore.

“Move out of the way! We’re leaving.”

“You’re not leaving with that blade. It does not belong to you. You failed to awaken it!” Kolivan demanded angrily.

“What does that  _ mean _ ?” Keith shouted back.

“Give up the blade!” One of the other soldiers ordered, drawing a weapon.

If that was how they wanted it to go down, fine. But Shiro wasn’t letting another of them anywhere near Keith.

He rushed towards the soldier, blocking his first attack, but before they could break the stalemate, a voice came from behind them.

“Wait! Just take the knife!”

Shiro looked back at Keith, who was standing by himself, holding the knife out to them. Now, he was willing to give it up, when he’d fought so hard for it before? What had changed?

“It doesn’t matter where I come from. I know who I am. We all need to work together to defeat Zarkon. If that means I give up this knife, fine. Take it.”

Keith's expression changed as he finished his sentence, from determination to reluctance. He still didn’t want to give it up. But he was putting their mission above himself. Like a true paladin should do.

Suddenly, the knife in Keith’s hands began to glow, filling the room with soft purple light.

“You’ve awoken the blade!”

Shiro still didn’t know what was happening, but the attitudes of the Marmora soldiers had changed entirely. What had been anger now sounded close to reverence.

As the light faded, the knife elongated into a sword, identical to the ones carried by the other Marmora.

“The only way this is possible is if Galra blood runs through your veins.”

…

Okay. That, was… not where he thought this was going. Keith seemed equally shocked by the revelation. The Marmora, on the other hand, looked as if this was what they had been expecting the entire time. Which they probably had been. Though they could have just said that, instead of being so aloof and dramatic about it.

Though really, wait,  _ what _ ?

Shiro paused, trying to clear his head. Priorities first. They came here to form an alliance, and if they had any chance of that still, they had to take it. Whatever just happened, they’d deal with it later. Keith was no longer in immediate danger, though from the looks of it he still needed medical attention.

They’d work this out. One step at a time. For now, they were all okay, and that was all that mattered.


	3. Chapter 3

Keith’s mind was racing, but without the adrenaline from the fight, he was having a hard time staying upright. They’d let him change back – with difficulty – into his paladin armour, which did help things feel a little more normal, but it wasn’t nearly enough. He had so many questions about who he was, how he could have activated the blade, but so far he had precious few answers. He wasn’t really a Galra, was he? Could he be? He never knew his mom, but he didn’t think that- that she was-

Everything blurred for a moment and he stumbled, leaning heavily against the wall, thoughts briefly abating as he tried to focus on not passing out – or throwing up. His entire body ached, his shoulder felt like it was on fire, and nausea was brewing threateningly in his stomach. Which probably had to do with the blood loss, although – when did he last eat? He’d completely lost track of time since coming to the Blade headquarters.

Hopefully they were leaving soon, though he wasn’t really sure what the plan was. Shiro was talking to one of the Marmora – the leader? It was hard to tell – but Keith wasn’t really focusing enough to make out what they were saying. Were they talking about him? Or had they finally reached the alliance they’d come here for? Was that even still a possibility? Despite everything, he hoped he hadn’t messed things up permanently. Working with the Blade could be their one chance to defeat Zarkon for good.

Zarkon, who had told Keith himself that he fought like a Galra. Who recognised that part of him long before Keith ever did. No matter how terrified he’d been before, there was always a part of him that didn’t believe it, didn’t believe he could truly have anything to do with them, he couldn’t, he wasn’t… wasn’t _that_ , he refused to be-

“Keith, you still with me?”

Shiro’s steady voice jolted him out of his panic, and he glanced up, not fully meeting Shiro’s gaze. For the first time, Keith wasn’t altogether sure Shiro was still on his side. He’d been willing to fight for Keith before, but they hadn’t known then, what Keith was. And Shiro had plenty of reason to hate the Galra, after all they did to him. Shiro wouldn’t turn on him, right? The Shiro that had abandoned him had been only an illusion, Shiro wasn’t like that, this was all just a stupid panic. But at the same time, he couldn’t shake the worry that he’d just lost the only person he truly trusted. Was anyone still on his side after this? Was it fair to expect anyone to be?

“Are you sure you’re okay to pilot us back? You don’t look so good.”

Keith straightened, trying to clear his head. He could pilot them back, sure, but he couldn’t afford to be distracted.

“I’m fine.” He said, determinedly pushing forward. “Besides, it’s not like anyone else can fly Red.”

Recognising that they were ready to leave, two Blade members began leading the way towards the surface without preamble. As they walked, Shiro fell into step besides Keith.

“I dunno man, you managed to fly Black when I was in trouble.”

Shiro spoke like he always did, but when Keith risked a glance at his face, something about it seemed off. Was that wariness in his eyes? Was he reading too much into it? Keith couldn’t tell, and he hated it.

“Yeah. That was Black. This is Red. Good luck getting her to let you anywhere near the controls.” He tried for a joking tone, but the words seemed distant, any lightheartedness buried under the weight of everything else on his mind.

Reaching the surface – seeing his lion – brought a relief Keith hadn’t expected to feel. Both his, at still having a friend, and hers, at seeing him alive. Whatever happened, he always had Red. She could feel that something was bothering him (or, more accurately, slowly killing him from the inside), and she didn’t hate him for it. She was adamant that she would never hate him for it. Whoever he was, he had Red’s trust, and that wasn’t going anywhere.

Keith leant against Red, meaning to catch his breath for a moment, a brief break from the world, and everything that meant he had to deal with. But apparently, the lion could do one better. As soon as he touched the metal, he felt some of his energy come back to him, dulling the pain and giving him the strength he needed to keep going. He looked up at his lion. Her face was impassive, but the sentiment behind it was clear.

“Thanks, Red.”

Red said nothing back, but she was there in his mind, as always, reminding him that he didn’t have to do this alone.

\---

The ride back was tense and awkward, the weight of new revelations and future responsibilities hanging between them all. At least the flight path was challenging – it gave Keith more of an excuse to focus on flying, and he’d take flying over conversation any day. Especially when said conversation was inevitably going to be extremely uncomfortable.

Not that things weren’t uncomfortable already – Red’s cockpit wasn’t really designed to hold this many - or any passengers, and while they could technically all fit, it meant the others crowding around Keith’s chair, breaking the silence only to offer (unnecessary, in Keith’s opinion) piloting advice, or to answer Allura on the comms. Keith hated being in crowded spaces with people – having Shiro here was one thing, but having Kolivan, who was Galra, and who had some connection to Keith’s mother – that was enough to make Keith very anxious to get back to the castleship.

When they – finally – touched down in the hangar, the rest of the team was waiting to greet them. Allura still seemed wary of cooperating with Galra, but whatever reservations she had she was putting aside for the sake of the mission. Which was both reassuring and terrifying, considering he’d have to tell everyone eventually. Probably. They’d find out one way or another, it was better to hear it first hand. He hoped. Still, he hung back slightly from the main group, taking some time to process by himself – being one of now eight people in the room, he wasn’t the only one on the outskirts of the discussion, so no one paid much attention.

As the leaders started discussion in earnest, Keith started to fade out of the conversation. He knew this was important, something he shouldn’t miss out on, but now that he was no longer in contact with Red, her protection was starting to wear off. It started with just feeling the tiredness again, but he winced as the pain returned in full to his shoulder, and the multiple lesser wounds scattered over his body. At some point he’d taken his eyes off the group, staring at the floor, hoping if he could keep focusing the world would stop threatening to tilt. There was a high pitched ringing in his ears that wouldn’t go away, which probably wasn’t a good sign. He just needed to get through this meeting, then he could rest without drawing attention, he’d be fine. It wouldn’t be long, they’d be done talking soon, he just needed to-

How long _had_ they been talking, anyway? Were they even still talking? He couldn’t focus beyond the noise, he couldn’t see straight, everything was spinning-

Keith blacked out.

\---

Shiro had been keeping a wary eye on Keith since he rescued him back at the Marmora headquarters. He’d been fighting for a long time, with unconsciousness his only rest, and Shiro was concerned about the state of his injuries. But Keith had said he was okay, and while Shiro was hesitant to take his word for it, he respected Keith’s choice to not call attention to what had happened. Everyone would find out eventually, better to let him process it by himself first. At least they were back at the ship now – if anything went too badly wrong, they could get him into a healing pod more or less immediately.

They hadn’t had the chance to talk about everything that had gone down there, and if he was honest, Shiro couldn’t deny he was a little afraid to. Knowing Keith had Galra heritage didn’t change who he was – Shiro had enough common sense to recognise that Keith was who he’d always been, but the irrational part of Shiro’s brain kept questioning - how well did Shiro really know him in the first place? It was a thought that had been lingering in the back of his mind since Keith had threatened to kill the Olkari king without a moment’s hesitation, and had been brought sharply into the forefront in the past day and a half. How much of Keith’s behaviour was influenced by his heritage? And if he wasn’t even fully human, what did that mean for Keith? No doubt it would be a difficult conversation.

Regardless, he’d made sure to keep Keith in sight as often as possible, which turned out to be a very good decision, as Keith’s legs suddenly gave out and he pitched forward. Shiro caught him under the arms and gently lowered him to the floor, as Allura and the other paladins crowded round in surprise.

“Keith!”

“Is he okay?”

“What even happened back there?”

“We’ll explain later, just, everyone give him some space, okay?” Shiro ordered, before turning his attention to the unconscious kid in his arms. “Keith? Keith, can you hear me?”

He’d be okay, Shiro told himself, he had to be, as long as he was still breathing they could get him to a healing pod, there was still time.

“Come on, Keith,” he muttered, trying to quash his growing anxiety about the whole situation.

Keith groaned softly, his expression tightening with pain, but his eyes slowly fluttered open.

“Keith! You okay?” Shiro asked, surprised by how much his voice had given away his fear. He needed to be more in control than this.

“Yeah, just-” Keith stopped, wincing, and took a deep breath before continuing. “Probably need a few more minutes before I can stand without passing out again, but I’ll live.” He reached out a hand and Shiro helped him into somewhat of a sitting position, though he was still heavily leaning against him.

“We should get you to a healing pod,” Shiro advised.

Keith looked up at Shiro, face concerned but determined. “No arguments here, but first… I should tell them. They’ll find out anyway, the healing pod would register it.”

“Wait, what, tell us what?” Hunk asked, nervously hovering over Shiro’s shoulder.

Shiro looked at Keith warily, but slowly nodded his agreement.

“Okay… this isn’t easy for me to say, and I’m not the best with words. But it’s better you hear it from me.” He paused, steeling himself. “Earlier, I lied to you. I said the reason we needed to come here was to make an alliance. And that was true. But it wasn’t the reason I wanted to be here.”

Keith took out his knife, handle still unwrapped, and tossed it into the middle of the circle.

“I’ve had this knife as long as I can remember. My dad gave it to me when I was a kid. I wondered about the symbol on the handle, but never gave it too much thought - until I saw the same symbol on Ulaz’ sword. The symbol of the Blade of Marmora. And just today, I learned the knife originally belonged to my mother. I think she was a Blade member.”

This got an immediate and all too predictable reaction, gasps of shock fading into stunned silence.

Hunk was the first to speak.

“But if she was a Blade member… Aren’t they all Galra?”

Keith hesitated, but Kolivan spoke for him.

“Yes. Not all Blades are full Galra, but to own a blade such as this, to use it effectively, one must be of Galra blood.”

“But then your mom…” Lance started blithely, but trailed off as the full ramifications of the sentence sunk in.

“Yeah.” Keith responded, staring dejectedly at the floor. He’d stopped leaning against Shiro, choosing instead to sit with his knees brought up to his chest, resting his arms on them.

“I’m sorry, I have to leave, I have… business to attend to elsewhere.” Allura said curtly, after a pause, before turning and hurrying from the room. Coran briefly looked back at the group in something between apprehension and regret, but followed after her.

It wasn’t an excuse anyone believed, but Shiro understood how hard this would be on her, and giving her time to process was probably the best decision. Keith, on the other hand, curled further into himself, clearly not wanting to face the possibility of any more rejection.

“Okay, I think that’s enough excitement for one day,” Shiro intervened, helping Keith to his feet. “I’m gonna go get Keith to the infirmary, everyone else, we’ll meet on the bridge in an hour to discuss strategy.”

“I’ll come with you,” Pidge offered, “I got plenty of sleep while you guys were gone, and injuries and stuff don’t really bother me.”

“It’s appreciated.” Shiro said, leading the way, Keith’s arm draped over his shoulder.

\---

“What even happened to you in there?” was the first thing Pidge said, taking in the full extent of Keith’s injuries. Their mind was racing with the new information, processing what they knew about the events of the previous day, and trying to fill in the blanks for what they didn’t. Once Keith was better, the two of them needed to have a long talk about this.

“A lot,” was Keith’s only response.

“You don’t say,” Pidge added dryly. “I mean, some of these cuts are really bad, how did you manage not to bleed out in the amount of time you were over there?”

Keith looked at them dubiously.

“I would shrug, but I don’t really wanna move my shoulder right now? Though, to be honest, no idea. I just know it hurts like hell, and I would rather it didn’t.”

"Yeah, soon buddy, I promise," Shiro said, approaching the two of them. “We’ve just got a few things we need to do first, like recalibrating the cryopods, not to mention getting you out of paladin armour and into something actually permeable to whatever it is the pods use to heal. If we put you in there in a space suit it’s not gonna work.” He pressed a few buttons on the side of the pod, then went back to check with Coran what else needed doing, leaving the two of them alone.

Keith was quiet for a long time. Then-

“You don’t… you don’t hate me now, right?”

Pidge looked at him unbelievingly, ready to ask Keith why he’d ever think that, before remembering that, no, he had a very valid reason to feel like he didn’t belong. It was a completely unfounded reason, but emotions weren’t always the most justifiable things.

“Hate you for getting yourself into stupid situations like this one? Maybe a little. Hate you for things totally beyond your control? No, dude. Whoever your family is, we’ll cross that bridge when we get to it. But we’re your family too.”

Keith didn’t look entirely convinced, but didn’t say anything. Pidge let him ponder that for a moment, since they needed to grab Keith one of the medsuits anyway. They handed it over, sitting down next to him.

“I know you are,” Keith started abruptly, fiddling with the hem of the suit, rather than doing the sensible thing and putting it on. “But things aren’t that easy, you know? I can’t expect everyone to just act as if nothing’s changed.”

“Things have changed. But you haven’t. Difficult things happen. Sometimes, really impossible life ruining stuff happens. But family don’t just abandon each other. Whatever happens now, we’ll get through it.”

The words were supposed to be reassuring, but Keith just seemed uncomfortable.

“Yeah, that… hasn’t exactly been my experience.”

Pidge paused, trying to figure out what to say to him. Emotions really weren’t their strong suit, and when they encountered a problem they’d much rather have a chance to think it over properly, not be put on the spot like this. But they got themselves into this, and Keith was their friend, they had to try. And whatever the reason, well, missing family wasn’t exactly a foreign feeling to them.

“Well hey man, you wanna talk about family problems, I can do that all day. I still don’t know where mine are, or if I’ll ever see them again. It’s been almost two years since they left, and I spent most of that time trying to figure out what happened to them. It’s never easy. But no one’s abandoning you or kicking you out of the group. We’ll work it out. For now, just rest, okay? We’ll be here when you wake up.”

\---

Keith dreamed fitfully, flashes of memory coming back to him at random, memories he’d rather forget.

_The moment he realises his dad is gone for good is the first time he truly understands the word “alone”. He’d always been a solitary kid, but even then he’d always had something to rely on. Not anymore. The only person in the world who cared about him had decided he was worthless. He decides then and there that from now on, family is something that other people have. Not him. When they ask his name, it’s just Keith, because Keith is the only name that isn’t borrowed. It’s his, and it means he’s not worthless, he’s not nothing, he has a name and a place and a purpose, even if no one else will ever think so..._

_...Keith pushes himself further under the blanket, trying to block out everything around him. He hates it here, the other kids make too much noise, and complaining about it won’t do anything but make him enemies. He knows they all carry with them the same fear, that no one will ever want them, and they’ll never amount to anything, that it’s just a matter of time before they lose what little they have. He should empathise, but instead he thinks “I won’t let that happen”, he knows he was meant for better than this, and he’ll prove it to the whole world all by himself. He doesn’t need his dad, or money, or for people to like him, he doesn’t need anything or anyone..._

_...“-the Kerberos mission has failed, and all crew members are believed to be dead. Evidence suggests the crash was caused by pilot error. The pilot in question, Takashi Shirogane-”_

_Keith stares at his hands, feeling like all his insides had suddenly turned to ice. Shiro was gone. But Shiro couldn’t be gone. Shiro had to be okay. He had to be there. He wasn’t supposed to leave. What was Keith even supposed to do on his own? How could he leave, how could he leave, how could he leave..._

_...“You can’t do this! I don’t have anywhere to go!”_

_“I’m afraid that’s not our problem,” the instructor begins, and Keith hears the words but they sound far away, as if through glass, and he can’t focus over the building panic in his mind and the slow realisation that everything he’d built for himself was gone, and it was his fault, he’d acted out and lost everything, and they can’t do this to him, he won't go back to that, he won’t..._

_...“You fight like a Galra soldier! But not for long!” and everything is happening too fast and he’s hazy with pain and Zarkon’s going to kill him but he can’t, not now, Zarkon isn’t even slightly hurt which means he’s dying for nothing, and as he and Red crash into the side of the ship, and she’s too damaged to even give an alert anymore, all he can think is it can’t end like this..._

_...And this isn’t a memory but it’s familiar all the same, a Galra army all around him and he’s a part of it, except now it’s not just a nightmare, it’s real, it’s real and he can’t escape, and Zarkon taunts him because he always knew, knew when Keith didn’t, and Zarkon is his worst enemy but he’s also his kin, this is his family now, this is all he’ll ever become-_

He wakes up ready for a fight, full of adrenaline, and he’s out of the healing pod before he even registers he was in one in the first place. It takes him a good few seconds to realise he’s not actually in any danger, and even once he does, he has a hard time calming his nerves. The infirmary is quiet now, absent except for Shiro, standing cautiously nearby.

Keith looks up at him, surprised - and scared - by the distance between them. Shiro had never been shy about personal contact before, even if it had taken a while before Keith was comfortable with it - and even then, only from Shiro. But right now the absence of that comforting presence could only mean that something had changed between them. And though Keith knew the answer, he really didn’t want to.

“Let’s just get this over with. Admit you hate me now.” he said dejectedly, feeling very uncomfortable in his own skin.

Shiro’s eyes widened, clearly not expecting the accusation.

“Woah, what, no- _no_ , okay? I definitely do not hate you.”

“Then why are you avoiding me? You’ve been doing it ever since you found out.”

Shiro pauses, either gathering his thoughts or working up the courage to say them. Keith wishes he would get it over with - losing Shiro would be hard enough without drawing it out like this.

“I guess… I didn’t know what to say. I may be the leader but I’m far from perfect. This was never gonna be an easy conversation, so I’ll admit it, I was scared. And I’m sorry for making you feel like I hated you. I realised I didn’t know you as well as I thought I did, and I needed time to process that. But I swear, it hasn’t changed things. It just means, I’d like to get to know you better, if that’s okay.” Shiro said the last part tentatively, as if expecting Keith to refuse. Keith didn’t want to refuse. It was just-

“You have every right to hate me. After everything the Galra did to you? I don’t know how you can stand to look at me.”

Shiro moved closer, putting a hand on Keith's shoulder, like he always had when Keith needed his support. Keith both desperately wanted, and didn’t deserve his support.

“Keith, you are not Zarkon. He’s the one who did all that. You’re the same person you’ve always been.”

Keith pushed Shiro’s hand away. He still wasn’t _getting it-_

“But that person isn’t even human! Or at least, not entirely? The Blade are the only Galra we’ve ever seen to be on our side, if they are on our side, and they’re a really shady organisation who made me fight for days on the off chance I was Galra and wouldn’t die. And I’m not exactly the poster boy for thinking before attacking. What if that’s all the Galra part of me? What if that’s just who I am?”

By the end of it he was hyperventilating, he knew he’d worked himself into a panic, but he couldn’t seem to find his way back. It was all just a rush of too fast thoughts and fears, where the only stability was the cold dread growing in his stomach at the confirmation that he is everything he hated, and he always was.

“I get where you’re coming from. I do.” Shiro said calmly, his voice breaking through some of the mindless panic. Moving slowly, he held out his prosthetic arm. “Remember this?” he asked. “This was made by the Galra. It was designed to be their weapon. _I_ was designed to be their weapon. And it’ll always be a part of me. It took me a long time to get used to seeing it as me, and not the Galra corrupting me. It’s still taking me a long time. Honestly, there’s a part of me that still believes I’m back there, that no matter what I do, I’ll end up fighting for them.”

Keith stared at him, not sure what to do or say. Shiro continued on like nothing was wrong.

“But it doesn’t control me. I control it. There will always be a Galra part of me, and that’s not something I can change. But I can decide what I do about it.

This can’t have been an easy thing to find out, especially not now. The Galra have hurt all of us, I know that more than most. But I know that you’re still you. That you’re still human. And I still trust you. I always will. The others may take time, but they’ll come around. I promise.”

Keith’s mind was racing, but he couldn’t pin down any individual thought. It was all a buzz of white noise, and when he finally opened his mouth to speak, what came out was

“But what if I hurt someone?”

“Then you’ll do what you always do. You’ll make it right. I know you won’t stop until you do. And that’s good enough for me.”

What had Keith ever done to inspire this level of unconditional love in Shiro? It didn’t make sense, he didn’t deserve it. By all rights no one on this ship should even still be talking to him, but here Shiro was, still acting like he always did, like he had back at the garrison when Keith kept getting into fights, with more patience and kindness than anyone should have shown to someone like him. Certainly more than anyone ever had in the past.

Family. That was what they were supposed to do, right? The concept had always been somewhat foreign to him, he hadn’t had anyone he considered family since he was a kid. But here they were. Shiro and Pidge and everyone. He wasn’t alone.

And when Shiro moved to hug him, he didn’t pull away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not that it means much to people who don't know me, but this is actually the longest finished fic I've ever written, which is pretty cool (by pretty cool I mean I can't believe I did that, like, !!!!)
> 
> Hopefully this means I can try for even longer stuff now, we'll see XD
> 
> Thanks for reading!


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